"Why is dating so hard?"

Dating in today’s world has literally become a nightmare! Something that you would think should be very simple has become more complex. You don’t know who you’re dating anymore…You may ask yourself, “Is this really them or am I meeting their representative?” “What are their motives?” “Are they trying to get to know me or just trying to see how much of an advantage they can take within a short period of time?” “Is this a blessing or another lesson?” “Is this person faithful or another cheater?” "Are they trying to get close to me just to get closer to one of my friends?"... All of these questions circulate our minds to the point that we have lost focus on the goal of dating. I get it, dating someone new is a huge risk. Accepting people into your personal bubble isn't always easy, plus, we don’t have time to be hurt! We listen to the most horrifying dating stories from our peers to the point that we start to picture ourselves in that same scenario. Then we start to think, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" This creates more fear and before you know it, you are throwing a flag at every potential sign of hurt that you see before allowing time to build a more mature mindset. 

"Honesty is the Best Policy"

Let’s be real, people aren’t as honest when it comes to dating. So many promises are verbalized upfront and no action to back it up. Be upfront of who you are and what your motives are. Dishonesty promotes destruction and hinders a possibility of producing a healthy nuturing relationship. You don't have to downplay your past if you're still affected greatly by it. Yes, you might feel that if you're too honest, your partner might not like you, but the reality is that the fastest way to find out if the two of you are a good fit is by being exactly who you are. The more you disclose yourself, your partner may feel inclined to do so as well.

“Would you rather be here or somewhere else?”

People have literally become obsessed with their PHONES rather than taking more time to talk interpersonally. Can you put the phone down? Group chats aren’t always bad and it’s good to keep in touch with your peers for many reasons, but when you’re on a date; texting constantly can send off signals that you would rather be somewhere else. Texting has become the new age pen-pal. Texting someone for days, weeks, and even months and never end up going anywhere. I am starting to think that some people went to college and majored in Texting Communications with a concentration in Social Media Arts! There are so many texts about plans and little setting dates to do them.

"Do you know how to date?"

It’s time to stop sending ambiguous text messages that could confuse someone rather than stating your desire to simply “hang out” or not! You don't have to always text “WYD” and "WYA" all day! This repetitious pattern becomes annoying after awhile. This is not a definitive way to extend an invitation nor is telling someone about your personal plans and hope they just understand it’s also an invitation. Be intentional about your desire to date someone. It’s time to step up to the plate and put forth a better effort in communication, spending valuable time, and becoming more of what we want to see in others.


You don’t have to enter into a relationship already looking for an exit door! This happens easily by carrying a prejudging attitude from the beginning and waiting for the first sign of inconsistency to bail! If you're still hurting from a prior situation, you will need to heal yourself before committing to a new one. We may refuse to believe it, but many of us think the best way to solve our past hurt is to find someone new to love. A relationship is two halves that make a whole. You should desire to sustain yourself before becoming half of something greater. Aim to be the better half and take pride in self-care. If we commit to doing our parts in making a positive change within ourselves, we will begin to see a change in dating.

Tim Dunn

@idunndada | Twitter | Facebook

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